The Slightly Disturbing Revelations of Lily Evans
by TheGreyLady13
Summary: Lily sighed. "You don’t need to hex someone every time they sneeze.” “Did see the way he sneezed, though? Like he was insulting my mother, calling you filthy names, and saying ‘Blast-Ended Skank’ all in one expulsion of boogers from that greasy honker."
1. In which Sirius is severly bludgeoned

_**A/N: This chapter will be the very end of 6th year, then the rest will be 7th. Thanks for reading!**_

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"Potter, Severus did not deserve that," Lily Evans said dejectedly to James Potter as they entered the crowded common room. "How many times have we been over this? You don't need to hex someone every time they sneeze."

"Did see the way he sneezed, though? It was like he was insulting my mother, calling you filthy names, and saying 'Blast-Ended Skank' all in a singular expulsion of boogers from that greasy hooked honker. What, was I just supposed to stand by while he was implying such vulgar things? I'm terribly sorry, but I'm a Gryffindor, and that's just now how I was raised."

"You just have to make a joke out of everything, don't you?" She stared at him for a long moment and walked up to the girls' dormitories, looking quite downtrodden.

"Well avoided, my antlered friend," Sirius congratulated as he flounced towards James. "I think we're making progress. Seemed like she had no inclination towards violence, whatsoever." James still looked crestfallen, however.

"I think Lily's just decided that violence has not deterred him in the past, but rather turned him on," commented Remus wisely as he plopped down on a squashy couch. "She's a smart girl. Remember when she used that permanent sticking charm to fasten James' shoes to the Whomping Willow while he was still in them while the tree cheerfully beat him into unconsciousness? He was literally drooling out of lust while she was walking away. He likes it."

"He might just have been drooling because he was nearly unconscious," Sirius interjected smartly.

James sighed. "She's really, really upset with me, isn't she?"

Remus nodded his head.

James looked flustered. "Well, should I go talk to her?"

"I'm pretty sure that would have the opposite of the desired effect, Prongsie Poo," Sirius said sympathetically while patting him good-naturedly on the back.

"Well last time I listened to your advice, I ended up pantless in the middle of the London underground with a couple of goblins dressed as circus performers doing some kind of creepy rain dance around me. So excuse me if I don't listen to you and go and talk to the girl I love who will receive me with open, loving, beautiful, perfect arms," said James, and he strode confidently away, ignoring Sirius' barking laughter as he rolled on the floor, remembering the goblin incident.

At the bottom of the girls' stairs, James whipped out his Marry Poppins umbrella that the Marauders had developed that would safely float him up the charmed staircase to his darling Lily.

"Up, Up, and Awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay," he shouted, for the only way to keep sustained flight was to sustain the "aaaaay."

"Lily…" James tentatively knocked on her dormitory door. At first, he thought she was just going to ignore him, but after a moment's wait, she opened the door a crack, so that only part of her face was showing through.

"What?" she asked unenthusiastically.

"I-… I really am sorry Lily. I know it upsets you when I do that, but that slimy wanker really does deserve it-"

At James' criticism of Snape, Lily began to shut the door.

"NO- no… sorry again. Erm- can we just forget about this little misunderstanding?" He shot her one of his most winning smiles.

"How is this in ANY way a misunderstanding? It was yet another unprovoked attack on a student. I don't expect you actually listened to the Sorting Hat's warning at the beginning of the year? We need to start sticking together, not randomly attacking each other at the drop of a hat. Do you know the extent of the evil that is brewing out there?" she asked in an exasperated tone.

"Lily, Snape _is_ the evil out there. The people he hangs around with- do you know the things they talk about doing, the things they actually do?"

Lily's face whitened slightly at the painful reminder of her former friend's new friends. "Goodnight," she sighed, then closed the door for good.

"Shit. Lily…" He began beating on the door but to no avail. "Bloody fantastic."

James finally gave up and whipped out his umbrella before gracefully descending the stairs to rejoin his friends.

"I'm guessing, from the ridiculous way that you are pouting your bottom lip, things did not go well," said Remus, looking up briefly from his Potions essay.

"I don't see why she gets so defensive over that stupid twat. And the way she calls him by his first name is just creepy, like he's an actual person or something."

"James, you can't expect her to respond well to it. All he did was sneeze and you made him sprout tentacles all over his body."

"It wasn't the sneeze," James said despondently. "You should have seen the way he was looking at her. It was disgusting. It was-"

"- exactly the way _you_ look at her?" Remus questioned with a small smile.

"I do not look like a stupid prat when I gaze adoringly at my Lily. It's completely different. He's got that extra kind of squint to his eyes like he's got grease in them from his hair. And he's got that creepy labored breathing like he's getting turned on at whatever she does. That is not the way one gazes adoringly at Lily, not the way at all."

"Yeah, because your method for gazing adoringly at her has worked _so_ well for you in the past," Sirius commented. "After all, you two are indeed married, shagging, and are the proud parents of a few baby Potters. Personally, I think you're just jealous because Snape has gotten more Lily action than you have."

James' face turned red. "That- not true… He hugged- she HATED it." He crossed his arms and turned away.

At that moment, Lily's best friend, Audrey, climbed through the portrait hole and made her way over to the marauders.

"What the hell happened to him?" she asked, gesturing to James, who was now rocking back and forth in his seat. "Another fight with Lily?"

Sirius nodded. "She didn't even try to hit him. Just looked kind of sad, so I think it's worse than usual."

"James, James, James," she said softly. "I want to help you, I really do. But if you keep screwing this up, there is going to be absolutely nothing I can do for you. You kind of act like an arse around her," she finished, shaking her long dark hair out of her face.

Sirius patted his friend on the back. "It's true, mate," he said with a concerned face, angling his head so that Audrey could easily see his kindness.

"Night then," Audrey said to the boys as she went to join Lily in their dorm. As soon as she was out of sight, the concerned look slid off of Sirius' face faster than a melted pat of butter. He stared at the spot where Audrey had disappeared just a few seconds before and let out a sigh and a chuckle.

"God, she really is something, isn't she?"

James shot Sirius a glare. "We're on 'me' time right now, and I'd appreciate it if we got back to what is important. How am I going to make little Lily babies if she hates my guts?"

"Uh, excuse me, but your little whiney bitching time is up, missy," Sirius snapped at James. His expression turned from psychotic to adoring in less than a second, however. "Audrey's just got the most beautiful face, doesn't she? I mean, her eyes just kind of sparkle, which is really difficult for dark eyes to do, you know? And Merlin, that creamy, milky, beautiful skin. You just want to stroke it a bit, you know? Just kind of pet her face like a dog…"

Remus snorted. "I would really like to be around when you tell her you want to pet her face like a dog."

"Not unless you want to see us getting it on about three seconds later, like we most certainly would, you perverted sicko. I feel violated," Sirius said as he shuddered, looking very much the part of a victim.

Remus simply looked at him for a second and cocked his head to the side, as if pondering why he put up with such idiots. "Yeah, I'm going to sleep now," he finally decided, still staring at Sirius as if he was some disgusting yet fascinating thing that someone had just scraped off the bottom of their shoe. "Night, all."

"Just you and me, Prongsie, old pal," Sirius said as Remus ascended the stairs to the dorms, putting his hands behind his head to relax. "Hey, have you seen Pete all day?" he questioned.

James temporarily snapped out of his sullenness to be curious. "I think I saw him at the feast, but then we snapped at him and I haven't seen him since."

"Should we be worried?"

"Nah, Pete's OK. We would know if there was something wrong," James decided. "I'm going to bed. Time for my daily fantasy involving a beautiful redhead falling deeply, irreversibly in love with a certain dashing raven-haired marauder."

"Yeah, I love those Lily/Sirius fantasies sometimes, as well," Sirius said with a bit of a dreamy look on his face.

"I was talking about me, you little shit! Stop thinking indecent thoughts about her," he shouted as he beat him over the head with a wizard's chessboard.

"Ouch- FINE.. just STOP IT ALREADY!"

"Thank you. Just stick to Audrey."

"Ok, so here's a bit of a 'what-if' situation for you. What if… I fantasized about Audrey, like you so wisely advised," he said with his hands up in surrender, "but Lily was… an active participant… as well…" he ended, looking hopeful. Unfortunately, James picked up his chessboard again.

"You stupid prick! She is PURE and does not need to be involved in your dirty, IMPURE little fantasies!" He yelled as he continued to bludgeon Sirius.

"OK, CHRIST," Sirius whimpered. "I get it… no thinking about Lily in any sexual way whatsoever. Selfish little twat." James stopped his beating and Sirius crossed his arms and turned away.

Another idea seemed to strike him however, and he couldn't stop himself from asking, "What if she was just kind of _watchin-_"

His question was cut off with the dull thud of chessboard meeting skull.

_**A/N: Thanks very much for reading. If you like it, please show it by leaving a little bit of encouragement, and if you didn't, you can let me know in the kindest way possible through CONSTRUCTIVE criticism. Much appreciated…  
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	2. The mating rituals of potbellied pigs

_**AN: Now, we're into the beginning of 7th year, and I'll continue through the end of their Hogwarts careers.**_

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"So aren't you relieved to be going back, Lily?" Audrey asked as they stood on platform 9 ¾, looking at the Hogwarts Express.

"Well, yes. And at the same time, a huge, resounding 'no,'" she answered mysteriously.

"Oh, cheer up," Audrey said in a falsely hopeful voice. "Sure, James is Head boy. Sure, you'll be spending a lot more time with someone whose company you really don't enjoy very much at all. Someone who jinxes random people for a laugh and asks you out every second of the day and has dirty daydreams about you… bollocks. Life's kind of a pile of dung right now, isn't it?"

Lily merely grunted.

"On come on, Lily. It's only you who thinks he's so bad. Well, you and Mr. Bucket-of-Giggles Snape over there," she said, pointing at the sullen teenager, who was trying to load his trunk onto the train.

"OK. Well, if you don't mind, I'm going to go and walk to my death now," Lily said dramatically as she swept away from her friend with a very Snape-esque look on her face.

As she reached the Prefect's compartment, she took a deep, steadying breath then opened the door. There was Potter, sitting there just as relaxed as you please, a smile lighting up his face as the object of his infatuation plopped down beside him, looking very grumpy.

"How lovely to see you, as well, Lily darling. Oh my summer? Fantastic, thanks very much. Oh, you sweetheart, mother's fine, thanks for asking. Yeah, yeah, been working out, so kind of you to have noticed."

She didn't movie a muscle, except for her eye, which twitched violently and involuntarily.

"Oh come on," James said, laughing a bit, "I'm just messing around. I promise I'll be better this year. Scout's honor," he promised, holding his fingers in a "rock on" hand gesture.

"We'll see," she said simply as she took out a book to read while they were waiting for the prefects to arrive. James sighed.

"Lily."

She looked up, surprised at the serious tone of his voice.

"I know you're probably really peeved that I got head boy," he said delicately, "And I don't blame you, not in the slightest. But I promise, I'll try. I've grown up a bit, I hope. I really thought about what you said… about the bad things going on in the world and sticking together and such. I really am ready to prove it to you. But I know that we won't make any progress if you go into this already hating my guts."

She smiled a bit. "I don't hate your guts, not completely anyway," she admitted. "And I promise, I will… try… to start the year with an open mind."

James beamed. "That's all I ask. Actually, I do have one more thing to ask. Well actually many things, but we'll stick to one now," he added with a slight smirk. "How about you call me by my first name? We are trying to be professional, aren't we?"

"Don't push it, Potter. You have to earn that one," she said with a slight smile. Their conversation was cut short, however, when the prefects began filing into the compartment.

To Lily's intense surprise, the two of them did an equal amount of talking during the meeting. Allowing herself to be slightly admiring of James, she didn't even complain when she found Audrey sitting with the rest of the Marauders after the meeting was over, which meant another few hours with him.

Sirius waggled his eyebrows when the two of them came into the compartment together.

"Had a nice little reunion shag, did we?"

"Sirius, shut up," James said warningly.

Sirius giggled. "That means yes! I'll bet you two were going at it like pot-bellied pigs! Oink, oink, oink!"

Remus looked concerned. "Why, in the name of God, did you decide to use pot-bellied pigs in your example?"

"Yes, Black. Why?" Lily asked fiercely.

"Well, you see, it was all very traumatic. I was at a petting zoo when I was five and I was going over to pet the horses. Well, on my way, I see these two pot-bellied pigs going at it, I mean _realllly_ going at it, you know? I swear I heard the girl pig grunting some very nasty things. Then this other pig came up and apparently thought that I was a girl pig-"

"Please…" Remus said with a disgusted face.

"Well the point is," Sirius continued, "Whenever I think of you two doing it, and that is not very often I should add, only just now actually, I think of the pigs."

Lily face held an expression of mingled revulsion and anger, but instead of screaming, she just rearranged her features to look murderously and sinisterly sweet. No one in the cabin could be quite sure, because she was so fast, but it looked as though Lily muttered a quiet spell and pointed her wand at Sirius' crotch. Nothing happened, so everyone assumed that dear Sirius was safe for the moment.

The witch from the food trolley suddenly appeared at the door. "Anything off the trolley, dears?"

Lily jumped up. "Yes please. Can I have your largest possible pumpkin juice?"

After she received her juice, she turned sweetly to Sirius, who looked a bit frightened. Lily giggled in a most un-Lily-like way. "No need to worry, Sirius. We all know you like your little jokes. I'm quite grown-up enough to accept that," she added sweetly.

Sirius looked a bit pleased with himself.

"Does anyone want some pumpkin juice?" Lily asked the compartment. Peter immediately reached forward, but she swatted his grubby little hand away. "Sirus? Would _you_ like some?"

"Why thank you very much. I would indeed. You should all take a page or two out of darling Lily's book. She knows how to treat royalty when she sees it," he said as he reached for the large goblet of pumpkin juice.

Audrey rolled her eyes and simply picked up a magazine, while Remus returned to gazing out the window. James' eyes darted nervously between Lily and Sirius, knowing that something was quite obviously going on. Peter looked longingly at the juice.

"Could I have-" Peter started.

"NO!" Sirius screamed, then he gulped down the pumpkin juice as if to prove a point, smacked his lips, and asked for more.

"Anything for you, Sirius," Lily said.

He gulped down another three goblets of juice without a second thought.

"Whew, that pumpkin juice goes straight through you, eh?" he said uncomfortably. "Gotta Pee," he informed his friends before he swiftly walked out of the room.

Everyone looked at Lily to see if she had indeed done anything to him.

"Yeah, he'll be back in about 30 seconds. I've charmed his zipper shut. He's about to piss his knickers," she said without shame.

"GOOD GOD WOMAN, I KNOW WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO ME!"

Lily laughed maniacally.

"Lily. Beautiful, goddess Lily. I have not peed myself since I was five. Since the pig incident, incidentally. Anyway, I am too much of a man to pee myself now."

Remus cleared his throat.

"Ok I bloody peed myself in second year when James jumped out from behind the shower curtain with a Snape mask on."

Remus stared at him.

"FINE, you nosy little sods! I peed myself last night, now PLEASE, for the love of Merlin, HELP ME," he screamed as he started sobbing.

"Lily, he is getting rather pathetic," Remus said in a bored voice amid Sirius' cries of "WAAAGGGHHHHH… IT BURNNS… WAAAAAHHHHH…"

"Stupid blighter…" she murmured as she flicked her wand at his zipper, muttering the counter-spell and freeing him.

Sirius was out the door in a flash, but before he was, his trousers were completely off, just to be safe that he wouldn't pee on them of course, displaying a fantastic pair of rather girlish blue underwear.

A few moments later, they all heard the yell of "Accio pants!" from down the hallway and watched as Sirius' trousers zoomed out the door.

James looked adoringly at Lily. "I officially and for the record lov-"

"Yes, yes, she gets it, James. No need to go further," Audrey said hastily, trying to help out the poor boy.

"Right-o," he said, folding his hands in his lap and staying silent.

"Is everything all right in here?" came a voice from the door. It was Liam Dunnwood, the handsome seventh year Hufflepuff quidditch captain.

"Yes, we're all very well, thanks," said Lily, smiling at him.

"Erm- good then," Liam said, smiling rather goofily and staring into Lily's eyes. "See you around." And with that, he strode away.

Sirius, who had been standing at the door of the compartment when Liam left, reentered, looking quite as disgusted as James, who was choosing to remain silent. "Jesus Lily, just bang him with your eyes a little more, please do." He scoffed. "Optical intercourse. Filthy."

Lily turned red. "I was definitely not doing… what you just said," she argued truthfully.

Sirius gave a shifty look towards the door, as if Liam might reappear at any moment. "Yeah well it doesn't matter. He was doing it to you and you were just letting him."

"How could I have stopped it if I didn't even know what he was doing? Which he wasn't even doing, by the way. He's not like _you_," Lily shot back at him.

"Yeah, well. I'll be keeping an eye on that cheeky little bugger from now on. No one eye-shags Lily Evans except _my_ best buddy," he said, punching James on the arm.

When Sirius turned away, James mouthed to her "_I DON'T DO THAT,_" with a frightened look on his face.

Lily rolled her eyes and stared out the window. What fantastic omens for the year ahead of her.

* * *

Lily and Audrey sat in the common room after the Welcoming Feast during which Sirius had charmed the Slythern males' robes to depict highly realistic, life-sized, naked female bodies, successfully earning himself his first detention of the year.

"At least James had nothing to do with it," Audrey told her, looking on the bright side. "I mean, Sirius isn't head boy or anything, so I don't have any problem with it whatsoever. God, Malfoy looked smashing though, didn't he? I might turn gay for that," she joked.

"And I'd be right there watching," Sirius said as he appeared behind the chair in which Audrey was sitting.

"Back already from your lecture with McGonagall then?" Audrey asked brightly.

"Oh yes, Minnie darling wasn't too pleased at all. Seems she doesn't much approve of complete public nudity."

"You're lucky you didn't get anything worse than a week's detention," Lily said with a small scowl on her face.

"Oh, lighten up, Lily dearest," Sirius said as he played with a piece of Audrey's long dark hair, which she quickly snatched out of his hands. "The staff quite expects these sorts of things now, and the punishments have steadily gotten less severe. No one got hurt, you know."

"Yes, well, there's always that," Lily said reluctantly as she stared at James from across the room. He seemed to be intently discussing something with Remus, who looked slightly worried. Peter was no where to be seen again.

After a moment, James felt someone's stare and looked up, catching Lily's emerald eyes. Instead of immediately looking away, she simply turned a bit pink and gave him an appraising look before she was brought back to her conversation by a little snippet she heard.

"-yes, they'll have a beautiful springtime wedding, and by the end of the next winter, we'll have some messy-haired, green eyed little babies crawling around," Audrey said seriously. "Stop giggling, Sirius."

Lily flushed red at their subject matter and threw a book at Audrey's head, which she easily ducked.

"Oh Lily," she sighed. "He really is a good guy. One of the best I know. Ok let's take a vote." Her voice suddenly rose tremendously so that the whole common room could hear it. "All in favor of Lily giving Potter a bloody chance already?"

In one gigantic, synchronized motion, a sea of hands shot into the air. Lily looked a bit taken aback, but then rose from her chair and stomped out of the room and up to her dormitory.

Everyone in the room started laughing and talking again, mostly about the head boy and girl, and Audrey sighed again and relaxed in her chair, reading an article in the magazine she had been flipping through earlier. Sirius continued to stare at her.

After a few moments, she threw down her magazine and glanced up. "I _do_ wish you would stop staring at me like I've got frog spawn mutating on my face, Sirius," she said, sounding slightly pleased.

"You know, you have got really beautiful eyebrows. They just contrast with your skin so greatly that they're really very striking. Quite delicate, too though," he said as though he was describing a valuable antique.

"Erm. Thanks very much. How very-… perceptive… of you."

Sirius smiled like he'd just seen Father Christmas and continued to stare.

"Right then," she said uncomfortably. "I'm going to go grovel at Lily's feet. 'Night."

She rose from her chair and walked towards a most certain doom awaiting her in her dorm room, feeling Sirius staring intensely at her back. She paused outside the door, took a breath, and entered.

"LilyI'msorryIembarrassedyou,Ijustthoughyoushouldknow-" she tried to say before Lily could throw something at her. Luckily, the other girls from their dorm were still downstairs.

"It's ok. It's just a lot to process in one day. I 'm still not used to the 'responsible' Potter yet. And knowing that the ENTIRE house is talking about us doesn't make things any easier," she said with a sigh.

"You've been so serious lately. Where's my light-hearted, hilarious, little Lily pants?" Audrey asked concernedly as she walked up to Lily and patted her on the head weirdly.

"God, you're strange."

Audrey laughed. "Yes, but I'm happy for the time being. You should try it sometime. Loosen up. You know what you need? You need a man. I don't think you've ever actually had a boyfriend while we've been at Hogwarts, and I know just the perfect candida-"

"No, not him," Lily said firmly. "Plus, when's the last time _you_ had a boyfriend? God knows you could get one."

"Hmm… But I don't need one. I'm happy," Audrey said, smiling.

Lily grunted unflatteringly. "I'll consider it. But NOT Potter."

"I don't know what you have against that boy, but you need to get over it so you two can get married already," she said boldly, then dodged the sneakascope that Lily chucked at her head.

"_Reparo_," Audrey said lazily. "You need to come up with some better form of punishment than throwing things at my face. I dodge them far too well now, you violent little bugger."

"Well, if you get to rag on me about Potter, then I get to take the mickey out of you about Sirius," Lily said smugly.

"Go ahead. The two cases are completely different," Audrey said calmly. "James is quite in love with you- no, don't make that noise, I'm positive that he is. Sirius is just- well I would compare it to being temporarily distracted by a rather shiny object. It'll pass with time."

Lily snorted. "Right, right," she said, unconvinced.

"Eventually, you'll see that I'm right about James. I only hope it's not too late," Audrey said as she pulled her pajamas over her head.

"Smooth subject change."

"Goodniiight, Lily."

"Yeah, Yeah."

* * *

The next morning at breakfast, Lily was quite tired. She had fretted about Audrey's words all night long and consequently looked like a zombie.

"You look-er- beautiful this morning, Lily," James said uncertainly as he sat down across from her for breakfast. She silenced him with a rather scary glare.

"Good Morning!" Audrey said cheerfully as she flounced to the table and gave Lily a quick peck on the cheek. "You look marvelous this morning. Simply smashing."

"Since when are you a morning person?" Lily practically growled.

"Since you're _not_. So only today, really," she said as she tucked into her breakfast.

Professor McGonagall appeared at their table to give them their class schedules. Peter had long been out of many of their upper-level classes, but Remus, Lily, Audrey, James and Sirius, being the brilliant students that they were, had nearly all of their classes together. Out of the five of them, however, Lily and Remus were the only ones who really studied, and they got quite miffed when the others did extraordinarily well on tests that they had only begun to study for in the hurried minutes before class.

"Transfiguration first, then Potions and Arithmancy," said James as he received his schedule. "Is that what everyone else got?"

Four others nodded their hands, while Peter said with a little squeak, "I've just got Divination and Care of Magical Creatures."

"'S all right, Pete. We'll just see you back in the common room at break then, I suppose?" James said with a smile and a pat on the back.

Peter nodded and hurried off to his first class.

"We should be going too, then," Sirius said. "I do hope Minnie is out of her mood with me from last night. She didn't say anything when she gave me my schedule."

They finished their breakfast and headed towards McGonagall's classroom. As they entered the room and sat down, Lily was dismayed to find that she and Audrey were sandwiched by the Marauders, Sirius sitting by Audrey (and scooting his chair closer every second) and James by Lily, looking very unsure. Remus sat next to James, shooting Lily an apologetic look.

Today, we will be practicing a more advanced form of human transfiguration. You will be working with a partner and trying to transform her or him since it is easier than transforming yourself," McGonagall said as she surveyed the class.

"I CALL AUDREY!" Sirius yelled, grabbing her arm and licking it, like she was a cookie that no one else would touch now that there was Sirius slobber on it.

McGonagall shot him a fierce look then continued. "You will attempt to turn your partner into a fox then return them safely to their original condition. The spell is in your book. I will be standing by to help during such a difficult transfiguration, so please choose your partners wisely-" she shot a severe look at Sirius, "-then begin.

"I really do call Audrey, Lily Flower," he said, holding up her slobbery arm, which she patiently held limp. "Better luck next time."

Lily looked around for Remus as her second choice, but could see that he was already working with a Ravenclaw girl. Forcing herself to look at her dreaded last choice, who looked like he was about to pee himself from excitement, she muttered, "Fine, Potter, let's get on with this."

"You wound me deeply. You do know that I am a bit of a transfiguration prodigy, right? You're in good hands," he said proudly. She rolled her eyes.

"Do you want me to go first, or you?" he asked.

"No, I'll do it," she said bravely. He walked a couple of steps away from her and turned around with his arms out.

"Hit me," he said trustingly, which rather unnerved her. She gave him another appraising look and got a bit distracted by his eyes.

_Hmm. Those stupid girls are right. He does have lovely eyes. Like a bit greenish with maybe a butterscotch around the edges…_

"Erm-Lily?" he asked, looking a bit concerned, "You sure you're alright to do this?"

"Yes- Of course, you wanker. Just- uh- close your eyes, will you? I can't do it while you're looking at me. It's… creeping me out," she said, her face quite hot.

He looked concerned again. "Al-All right then…" he said, ending his thought as though it was a question, not a statement. He closed his eyes.

She thought the spell silently in her head with all her might and pointed her wand at him, noticing how he looked rather innocent and sweet with his eyes and stupid loud mouth shut.

Suddenly, a great, furry tail sprang out of his pants, but no fox appeared in front of her. McGonagall rushed over and undid the partial transfiguration with a flick of her wand.

"Sorry!" she exclaimed, her hands over her mouth.

"No, it's fine. Seriously. I think you just got distracted or unfocused or something. Just clear your mind."

She glared a bit, angry with herself for letting stupid Potter distract her. Controlling her emotions, she thought the spell again and pointed her wand, and a second later, a beautiful black fox stood before her.

"Well done, Mrs. Evans! You're the first one to successfully complete the transfiguration. 15 points to Gryffindor!" McGonagall said excitedly. Lily smiled and looked over to see why the wiz-kid Black hadn't successfully completed _his _transfiguration yet.

"-well I don't really think it's fair to say that Bertie Bott's Beans are in general bad," came Sirius' voice. "Some of them are revolting, but you know, others are really very good."

"I still say chocolate frogs are the best. I'm not willing to take my chances with those dodgy beans. I'll stick with chocolate," Audrey said very seriously.

"But that is the true _essence_ of Bertie's beans…."

Lily had heard quite enough and turned to James, concentrating very hard on the counterspell. A second later, a smiling James Potter was standing in front of her.

"Well done, Lily!"

She blushed a bit under his praise, and then punched herself hard in the arm for blushing under his praise.

"Did you just hit yourself?"

"Heh- Just giving myself a good old pat on the back, you know?"

"Cool. Ok, my turn." He pointed his wand at her, and in a second, there was a beautiful red fox standing before him.

"Also very well done, Mr. Potter. Take another five points," McGonagall said as James turned Lily back into a human.

"Wow. First try," she said, trying not to sound too impressed.

"It's kind of my thing," he said with a crooked smile. "Oh, before I forget, we need to patrols tonight. Dumbledore sent a note for us in the common room this morning, but you had already gone down to breakfast."

"Oh joy," she said sarcastically, but smiled despite herself.

_**A/N: Once again, if you like it, leave encouraging reviews! More reviews= more happiness= more chapters, more quickly. If you hated it, then by all means, don't review, because that's the quickest way to get me to stop writing. Thanks very much.**_


	3. A walk to forget and never mention again

A/N: Thanks to my reviewers from the last chapter, Star22, classicmovielover, and bizarreee, and to all who put me on story alert and such… Also, a SPECIAL thanks goes to my beta, a simple kind of lovely, for putting up with me!

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"Okay, let's go ahead and get started," Lily told James unenthusiastically. He was smiling like he was on bloody laughing gas and Lily, who had gotten basically zero hours of sleep the night before, was already annoyed. She had no clue how she was going to survive hours of patrol duty with him.

"Where to first?" he questioned excitedly.

"I think we should just kind of wander about. Maybe we'll run into something," she said uncertainly as they both started walking.

"So," James began awkwardly, "how was your summer?"

"Erm, really fantastic."

"Really? That's… great," he finished lamely. "Mine was so-so."

"Oh, why is that?" she asked, more curious than she let on.

"Growing up isn't exactly a fun thing to do, Lily dearest," he said, tweaking her nose. (She promptly slapped him.) "And I really can't stand being away from my friends and…," he eyed her carefully, trying to word his statement so he wouldn't get slapped again, "…other people. Played a lot of Quidditch, went to a lot of stuffy parties, banged some slutty American tourists…"

"What?!" she exclaimed shrilly.

"Only joking. Seeing if you were paying attention. I wouldn't have had time for girls anyway. My mum seemed to think it was appropriate that I spend my summer schmoozing old important people and taking my half-troll cousin to her goddamn school balls."

"Ha ha," she said sarcastically.

" I'm not kidding. I really do have a half-troll cousin. She's not allowed to bring any male non-relatives to social functions anymore. Let's just say she's squashed a couple of Muggles trying to – how do I put it delicately – get it on. I don't know why any boy would agree to even try that with her though. She looks rather like a giant pot-bellied pig."

Lily choked on her spit a little. "Why do you specifically say 'pot-bellied pig?'" she asked dangerously.

"OH- bugger. Sorry," he said, blushing a little in the darkness of the halls. "Sirius just got the idea into my mind, I suppose. I didn't mean- I'm not thinking about, you know, what it would… be like… if you and me… Not that I _haven't_ thought about – well, I'm sure it would be fantastic, but – bugger," he repeated. "I'll stop talking now."

"What a splendid idea."

"So Lily," he began uncertainly as he changed the subject, "do you know Liam well?"

She stopped walking and glared at him. "Well, I don't think that it's really any of your business. But since you asked, yes I do. Sometimes, I just call him up and ask him to come over and we make like pot-bellied pigs and don't stop for hours and hours. I'm actually pregnant with his child, and I'm expecting him to pop the question any day now."

"Erm- I'm not really sure how to take that, to be quite honest with you, Lily."

"Take it however you please," she said casually as she began walking again.

"So it that a 'yes' or a 'nooo'….?"

She exhaled sharply. "I hadn't spoken to him before I saw him on the train."

"Ah… I see… So today was your first time being optically raped?'

She laughed despite her attempts to remain stony-faced. "I suppose so." She glared out of the corner of her eye. "Unless you've been optically assaulting me too and I've just been too innocent to notice."

"Oh, well, I believe I took your optical virginity in about fifth year, so I call dibs on that front, but I haven't been so low as to assault you since. Plus, you secretly wanted it, so it wasn't rape."

"Good to know."

"You know," James started, "I would keep away from that Liam guy if I was you."

"And why is that?"

"Well, you know his owl? He's trained it to take a shit right in people's eyes on his command. He's done it to me a few times already because he knows about our… history. I think he just wants a piece of booty, Lily. Your booty."

"Even if that is so, Potter, it is none of your business. I can take care of myself."

"He doesn't even know you well enough to try to get your booty, though."

"Dear Lord, I haven't even talked to the bloke more than once and you're worried about him not knowing me enough to get my 'booty?' Besides, do you think _you_ really know me?" she spat at him.

"Yes, of course."

"Oh, is that so? OK. What is my favorite color?"

"Grey, like storm clouds. You love when it rains."

She looked taken aback, but charged on in the interrogation. "Fine. Favorite flavored lip gloss?"

"Trick question. You don't like gloss, you prefer lip balm. Mint on most days, vanilla when you're feeling _sassy_."

"If I could have one thing, it would be –"

"A time machine. You're a history freak."

"My secret talent it is-"

"Playing the piano. You took lessons when you were younger but you are too shy to ever play for anyone."

"Are you shitting me? How do you possibly know all of these things?"

"I _know_ you," he said simply.

"No, you _stalk_ me," she insisted.

"I do nothing of the sort. I'm just a better listener than you might think."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Stalker…"

"Diary leaver-outer…"

"What?!"

"Yeah, I didn't read it. Sirius read it to me. He even put on a red wig and talked like a girl to add to the effect. You would remember it too if you'd seen it," he said nonchalantly.

Fuming, Lily gritted her teeth and said, "Can we just get on with the patrolling?"

James looked around them, shrugging. "There's not really much to patrol, is there? Hey, do you want to play a game?"

"No."

"Please?"

"We are not five years old, Potter."

"I _could_ just spout out some more stalker-like information about you…"

"Fine. What's the game?"

"Truth or Dare."

"You have got to be kidding me! That's a stupid game that Muggles play when they are either bored or horny."

"Well, I'm both, so let's get started."

"Potter!"

"Only joking. But come on. The wizard version is much more fun. You're _forced_ to tell the truth," he said, wiggling his eyebrows.

"I don't think that would be very professional…"

"Have it your way; stalker info it is. Your favorite ice cream is 'cookies and cream,' but you usually chuck the cookie bits out because you're a texture freak and you just like the flavor. You feel like a failure when you wear socks that don't match –"

"Bloody _fine _already! But do you know how cliché this is?"

"I make everything more original," he said smugly.

"You know, your ability to be humble simply astounds me. And we are _not_ doing dares. I don't want to get in trouble."

"Thank you, dear. Okay, first drink this," he told her, holding out a small bottle with pink potion in it. She looked at it skeptically. "Trust me," he implored. Thinking back to how easily he had trusted her in Transfiguration, she reluctantly took the bottle.

"Don't worry. It's not Veritaserum. It's much milder. You can actually choose the wording of your answer instead of bluntly spewing forth your innermost secrets while talking like a hopeless robot."

She popped the cork out of the bottle and drank it down, and he did the same; the potion tasted vaguely of mint.

"Okay," he said. "I'll go first. Do you really dislike me as a person completely, or am I tolerable?"

She paused before answering. "I don't dislike you completely," she said, trying to choose a safe way to word her answer.

"Brilliant," he said with a smile. "Okay, you go."

She thought for a moment. "Erm. What is your favorite color?"

"Aww, come on. You disappoint me. It's green, but you have to re-do that one. Get down and dirty!" he said. Upon seeing the look on her face at the phrase 'down and dirty,' however, he muttered a quick apology.

"Okay…" she said, thinking. "How many girls have you slept with?"

"Easy. None."

"Bollocks."

"Am I or am I not under the influence of a truth potion here? Sorry to disappoint," he said with a grin, chuckling slightly at her embarrassed expression. "All right. Same question to you."

Her cheeks flushed immediately. "None, of course," she said in a fierce whisper.

James' smile was so wide now that Lily wanted to slap it off his stupid face.

"I'm about to slap that smile off your stupid face," she said warningly. "And I don't want to play anymore. I feel like I'm in primary school."

"Too bad. You agreed. Your turn," he said eagerly.

"Prick. Do you have any dirty magazines under your bed?"

"Yes, but they're Peter's. He can't put anything under his own bed right now because last time he tried to retrieve and object from underneath it, something dragged him inside." Seeing Lily's concerned look, he added, "Don't worry. He came out eventually, covered in pink slime and clutching some kind of homemade shiv and what looked like a handful of tentacles." He shuddered at the memory.

Shifting gears, he smiled again. "Alright," he smirked evilly, "Do you find me physically attractive?"

She felt heat flood her face and clapped her hand over her mouth before words spilled out that she had no intention of ever speaking. James looked overjoyed.

She tried to find a way around answering truthfully. "I do or do not, with emphasis on the latter, not _not_ abhor your physical appearance," she said, struggling with each word and squinting as though she was doing a very complicated math problem.

"So, yes then?"

"I've already given you my answer."

"Wait – don't not – _not_…" he tried to reason, his forehead wrinkled in frustration. She waited, not daring to breathe, to see if he could decipher her answer.

"…."

"…."

"I KNEW IT!" he shouted, pumping his fist in the air.

"Damn potion," Lily mumbled angrily as she folded her arms.

James tried to compose himself. "Sorry. And just so we're even, I find you _terribly_ attractive."

"Thanks so much," she said, still glaring straight ahead. "Okay, I think patrol time is over."

"We still have an hour left-"

"Er – let's turn in early tonight," she said as she began to walk so quickly that there might as well have been an angry niffler on her tail. James caught up to her and matched her speed-of-light pace. He took a hint from her slight scowl and remained silent for the rest of the walk back to Gryffindor Tower. As they neared the portrait of the Fat Lady, James stopped walking.

"Lily," he called. She slowed reluctantly and turned to look at him.

"What?"

"Can I ask you one more question?" he asked her in a suspiciously sweet voice.

"Erm- I don't think that's… a good idea," she said, already starting to back away slowly as she witnessed the slightly evil gleam in his eye.

"Do you want to kiss me?"

She squeaked a bit in her throat and slapped her hands over her mouth again as she practically ran to the portrait. Luckily, it was being opened from the inside by a tiny little first year, so she didn't have to open her mouth to try and speak the password. Stumbling inside the common room, she sprinted up to her dormitory, locked the door, and buried her face in a pillow.

Back downstairs, James chuckled a bit and walked over to Sirius who was looking bored as he lit individual strands of Remus' hair on fire while he read a book.

"Hey, Prongs," Remus said to James. "I can feel that, Sirius," he added. Sirius scowled and looked away.

"How was patrol duty?" Remus asked him.

Sirius perked up at once. "Oooh. Any hot, steamy stories to tell?"

"No, but I found out that Lily wants my bod. And I'm pretty sure she wants to make sweet, sweet love to me. I would say like 85% sure. She ran off when I asked her if she wanted to kiss me, but she may have just had to vomit or something."

"That still doesn't mean much, James," Remus told him. "Physical attraction and love are two very different things."

"Go ahead, try to ruin my mood, but I'd say this is the biggest breakthrough since she stopped trying to gouge my eyes out with sharp objects every time she saw me. Progress is progress," he said, throwing himself violently onto a couch.

After a few seconds, Sirius, who had been slumped on the ground with his legs propped up against a chair, jumped to his feet like he had been struck by lightening and let himself fall gracefully into a chair, looking like he'd been in his model-like pose for hours. Sure enough, as James had suspected, Audrey walked down from her dormitory and over to the Marauders, giving Sirius a curious glance.

"What did you do to poor Lily?" she asked James. "She's up there screaming into her pillow 'I DON'T WANT TO, HE CAN'T MAKE ME' at the top of her lungs."

"Hmm, an unfortunate setback," James said thoughtfully. "Well I didn't do anything to her that she didn't want to do."

"That sounds mysterious and scary."

"Ok, we played a game of 'Truth or Dare' minus the 'Dare' and plus a truth potion. All she did was admit that she was physically attracted to me."

Audrey sighed. "Reverting to childish antics to try and attain a mature and adult woman is not a spectacular idea. You need to show her your mature side. God knows we're all _quite _aware of the _physical_ attraction between the two of you. The sexual tension is tangible, awkward, and downright unendurable to witness."

James pouted a little. "I've already tried to grow up some. I haven't pranked anyone this year _or_ cursed anyone _or_ had any fun at all."

"Yes, yes, and we're all quite proud of you and your two-day-trouble-free streak," she said, patting him on the hand. "But show her that you can be mature with relationship matters, as well."

He nodded glumly.

"Now, what have we learned today?" she asked him, like one might ask a preschool class.

"Physical attraction is nothing without a deeper connection," James said monotonously and with a sigh.

"Very good!" she said brightly as she leaned over to give him a friendly hug.

"I was good too!" Sirius said. "Physical attraction is better without a deeper connection," he tried to quote James. She gave him a blank stare and tilted her head to the side, as many people do when they have observed Sirius saying or doing something particularly stupid.

"Right. Goodnight," she said to all of them as she walked away.

Sirius cursed. "Bollocks."

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A/N: Reviews are nice, don't you think?


	4. You, me, some tequila, and a flobberworm

A/N: Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed and added my story to their favorites or alert list! I won't be one of those authors who annoys everyone by putting individual responses to everyone, but just know that you have made me very, very happy. If you would like an individual response, just let me know and I will private message you or something… Thanks for reading!

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As Lily descended the stairs the next morning to go to breakfast and saw a scruffy-haired someone waiting for her, she immediately scowled and walked past him without a word.

James quickly followed. "Oh, come on now," he said as he tried to throw a casual arm around her shoulder, which she quickly brushed off. "Why so angry all the time? Is it that time of the mont-"

She turned on him. "You took advantage of me while I was in a vulnerable state!"

"First of all, I'll take that as a 'yes' to the time of the month. Second of all, you make it sound like I maliciously drugged you and violated you," James said matter-of-factly. "Thirdly, you knew well in advance how 'vulnerable' your 'state' would be," he made the quote signs with his fingers, "and fourthly, you didn't reveal anything that I didn't already know, or suspect, at least."

She glared and kept walking.

James sighed. "Okay fine. I'm sorry. Let me make it up to you?"

She stopped walking and turned to face him, still looking angry. "What exactly did you have in mind?"

"Friendly hug?"

"Oh, and that's supposed to make me feel _better_, is it?" she spat.

"Yes. People usually enjoy getting hugs from people they find _physically attractive_..." Lily's eyes were turned towards the ceiling for a long while, and James suspected that she was probably slowly counting to ten in her head to prevent herself from giving way to the violent actions that he loved so much. She turned to walk away again.

"Fine!" James said loudly, but she was doing her angry-niffler-on-the-tail walk again. He had to yell down the hallway for her to hear him. "How about a back massage? A complimentary lap dance? If you want one, just let me know!!"

He sighed and headed towards the place where she had just disappeared around the corner, heading towards potions, the first class of the day. When he got there, Lily was already seated safely next to Audrey, so he had no choice but to take a seat behind her, beside Sirius.

Professor Slughorn bounced into the room jovially, happy to see his favorite students again.

"Hello all! Today we're going to be trying to brew Veritaserum. It's a very complicated potion, so I don't expect perfect results, but just give it your best try." He gave a small wink to Lily and smiled. "I won't take any more of your time. Begin."

Lily worked feverishly. She always felt the need to be the best in potions, but Snape, who was sitting on the other side of the classroom and shooting furtive looks her direction, was always trying to outdo her. After about 50 minutes, Slughorn told them to bottle what they had and bring it to his desk. After most students had left the room, Slughorn approached Lily.

"We're having a little get-together this Friday, kind of a back-to-school bash," Slughorn told Lily with a special smile. I would just love it if you came."

"Of course, professor. I'll be there," Lily said with false enthusiasm.

Slughorn beamed. "How about you, Mr. Potter, Mr. Black? You know you're always invited."

James simply said, "Definitely" with a big smile at Lily. Sirius looked shiftily at Audrey.

"Mmm, ask me again in about 15 seconds," said Sirius. Slughorn looked confused but then turned to Audrey who was waiting at the door for Lily.

"Of course, you're invited too, Ms. McGregor," Slughorn said to Audrey, whose father had recently become the head of the Auror Department.

Audrey chanced a glance at Lily, who stared at her with pleading eyes, and said unenthusiastically, "Sure."

"Right, me too Professor," Sirius said quickly.

Slughorn looked like he might wet his pants out of happiness. "Oh-ho! Splendid. I will see you all this Friday at seven o'clock. It is going to be quite the party, so wear something nice. You know, my very old friend who is now the owner of Puddlemere Uni-"

"Sorry, Professor. We really need to get to our class. You just save that story for Friday," James said politely as he gave Slughorn a sickening wink. Lily looked as if she was about to vomit, but Slughorn just chuckled and sent them on their way.

Lily was in the process of trying to run away from James when she ran into something hard. With an "oomph," she and said thing both tumbled to the floor. After a moment, she was quite aware that Liam Dunnwood was sprawled on the floor at her side, looking very confused as to how he had gotten there.

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" Lily said to him as soon as she realized that she had run into him. Sirius, who had caught up to them by now, was now rolling his eyes in his head and prancing around, mouthing 'I'm so sorry, I'm_ so_ sorry." James simply looked furious that Liam had dared to run into her.

"Oh," he said, staring into her eyes as if he was mesmerized, "Uh no. Completely my fault – wasn't looking where I was… going." He looked like he'd had to put in some serious effort to merely finish the sentence. He immediately sprang up and extended his hand to help Lily to her feet. As soon as their hands made contact, James let slip a creepy little growl from his mouth. Lily blushed a little and let go of his hand very quickly.

"So, er…" Lily didn't know what to say as they all stood there in an awkward kind of way, the only audible sound coming from Sirius's continued prancing. Liam was still staring at her. She felt the need to break the silence so she arranged an apologetic look on her face and told Liam, "Sorry again… I guess I'll see you around." She moved to leave with Audrey.

"Wait!" both Liam and James shouted at the same time. Lily turned to address Liam, completely ignoring James.

"Yes?"

"Well, I was wondering if you wanted to come to Slughorn's party with me this Friday. I mean – I know we don't exactly know each other…" He trailed off, waiting for a response.

Lily looked briefly at James, who looked positively murderous, then back at Liam. "I would love to," she said a little more forcefully than she had intended. Liam smiled widely.

"Perfect. Can I walk you to your class?"

Lily gave him a radiant smile and nodded. Audrey looked very uncomfortable and hung back to walk with James and Sirius as the other two walked ahead of them. James was glaring down the hallway after them, and Sirius patted him on the shoulder.

"She's only doing it to make you jealous, mate," he said.

Audrey rolled her eyes. "_Or_ she's doing it because you won't bloody leave her alone. I'm not saying I support her decision, but you do kind of stalk her."

James threw up his hands in annoyance. "Why does everybody seem to think that I stalk her?"

Both Sirius and Audrey chose not to answer that question and instead remained silent.

"He's got only one thing on his mind," James said through gritted teeth. "He's going to try and seduce her. I can see it in his beady little eyes. He's plotting some sneaky way to try and get her to like him. I can _feel_ it."

Audrey snorted delicately. "You are talking about _Liam_, right? Not yourself?"

James growled in exasperation and, with a pair of withering looks directed at both Audrey and at his best friend, he stomped away.

"What are we going to do with him?" Audrey sighed.

"Hey, I've just thought of a brilliant way to get them together!" exclaimed Sirius.

"If it involves me, you, Slughorn's party, a bottle of tequila, and a flobberworm, you've already tried that one on me before. And for the record, that is disgusting," she said to him as she walked away

"I never said a _word_ about a flobberworm," Sirius pouted. "That is –" he paused, a sudden look of recognition on his face. "Oh yeah. Grooossss." And he giggled like a girl and pranced away after Audrey.

* * *

The next few days passed without any major catastrophes. James was still furious because Liam was following Lily everywhere she went. What made him even more furious was the fact that Lily appeared to be enjoying his attention in a way that she had never enjoyed James' attention.

Audrey sympathized with him, but at the same time, she thought he'd had it coming for him for a long time.

"But what do I do?" whined James that Friday, a few hours before the party was to begin. Audrey rolled her eyes, settling into a chair by the fire in the common room. James remained standing out of frustration, and his pacing was becoming obnoxious.

"What have I been telling you? Do you listen to me at all? You have to act mature. Last time I told you to be mature, you went back and rubbed it in her face that she was attracted to you. Just show her that you would be better for her than Liam."

James looked mollified for a moment. "So er, you really think that I would be better with her than Liam?"

Audrey nodded. "I think you two belong together, even if you are a little prick sometimes."

James's expression was thoughtful before he spoke again. "I mean this Liam guy isn't completely unfortunate-looking, is he? And he's apparently very responsible and intelligent and… fit. Did you know that during the summers, he volunteers at a children's hospital? And he takes care of his sick grandmother. _And_ he studies for like three hours a day and stuff." They both flinched at the word "study."

Audrey looked rather freaked out. "First off, it sounds like _you're_ in love with the bloody guy. And second, how the hell do you know all this stuff about him? Are you stalking him too?"

"Well when the person you're stalking is being stalked by someone else, you kind of pick up on these things," James said with a scowl. "Why doesn't he just leave her alone?"

Audrey rolled her eyes again, something she was doing quite a lot of lately. "Ok, you can deal with your own problems for a while. I'm going to get ready for the party. Lily's already started without me."

"We have hours! How on earth does it take you that long to get ready?"

"Perfection takes time. And don't you dare be obtrusive or rude to Lily and Liam tonight. I know you'll probably be panting like a damn dog at the sight of her, but contain yourself. It's the _mature_ thing to do."

James threw himself onto a couch and buried his face into a cushion until he heard her footsteps fade away. "Bollocks, shit, fuck!"

"Oh snap. The f-bomb. Something's gone horribly wrong," Sirius said as he sprang up from behind a chair behind which he had been hiding. "Did you sit on another owl? Poor Snowball, God rest his soul."

James removed his face from the cushion. "You should really stop spying on her."

"I'll stop when you stop. Ok, so if it's not an owl, it must be Lily trouble."

James buried his face in the cushion again. Sirius waited for more, tapping his foot impatiently. When James didn't say anything else, Sirius sighed.

"Well, if that's all, I've got to go get ready for the party," Sirius said, checking out his own reflection in a nearby window.

"Good God, are you a woman?"

"_Perfection_ takes _time,_" he said with a scowl. He made a 'tut' noise and walked away quickly.

James stayed on the couch for quite a while, then eventually dragged himself upstairs to throw on his dress robes while Sirius attempted to flatten his hair (after he had finished with his own of course). Remus had left for the library, not being a part of the "Slug Club" himself.

As James and Sirius headed down to Slughorn's office, they kept their eyes peeled for Lily and Audrey, but they saw no one. Dejectedly, James entered the office and immediately scanned the crowded room.

There she was, looking beautiful of course, dressed in flattering, flowing robes of deep green. Standing against the far wall, a crowd of friends and admirers surrounding her, she unfortunately looked quite happy. James sighed. Liam had his arm around her shoulders and they looked like an obnoxiously perfect couple.

James, heeding Audrey's advice, decided to not bother Lily at the present moment. Instead, he walked the corner of the room and sat in the shadows, looking quite emo and antisocial.

Sirius, however, preferred a more direct approach. The moment he spotted Audrey, he made a beeline for her, as if he couldn't control himself.

She was talking to a Ravenclaw boy, but Sirius ignored that fact and tapped her on the shoulder.

"You look absolutely stunning," he said in what he believed to be a sexy voice, looking her up and down. Her midnight blue robes made her porcelain skin look radiant. She looked a bit flustered but pleased.

"Erm, thanks. You look very…nice… yourself," she responded. She was unaccustomed to complimenting Sirius as it usually just inflated his head, which was already the size of a small killer whale. The Ravenclaw boy glared at Sirius, who shot him a venomous look, squinting one eye and baring his teeth. Audrey didn't happen to see this truly frightening and ridiculous face, as she seemed to be looking around the room for someone. The poor Ravenclaw boy recoiled slightly and scampered away.

Audrey didn't seem to notice his absence. "Where's James?" she asked Sirius.

"Oh, he's in that dark corner over there. Probably writing tragic poetry or trying to drown himself in the punchbowl or something stupid," he said, waving his hand like it was nothing.

"Oh, I see. He usually takes rejection so well. I wonder what's changed."

Sirius shook his head. "I don't know but he is pathetic, isn't he?"

At that moment, Audrey saw that James was looking over at the two of them. He glared and stomped out of the room.

"What was that all about?" Audrey asked curiously.

"Oh, he can read lips," Sirius said casually, looking at his nails in a bored kind of way. Audrey punched him on the arm.

"You wanker, you knew he could see that we were talking about him?"

"Yeah, he needed to hear it. Plus it's your own fault. Never say anything you wouldn't say to someone's face," he said, wagging his finger at her. She tried to break it.

"Violence doesn't work on me," Sirius said as he chuckled slightly. "James and I are very similar in that way. We think it's rather… exciting," he told her, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

She glared and folded her arms, watching as Liam excused himself from his conversation and walked out of the room, motioning for one of his friends to follow him.

Out in the hallway, James slid down on the floor in a corner of the hallway just outside of Slughorn's office. He heard people enter the hallway, but thought nothing of it; no one could see him in his dark, tragic little corner. He only decided to pay attention when he heard Liam's voice.

"– and I think she's pretty into me," he told his friend as he paced back and forth nervously.

"Really? That's perfect, mate. Lily is so hot," replied his slimy little friend. James stopped breathing for a moment in an effort to hear the conversation, realizing what they were talking about.

"I know. I didn't think she was that interested at first. She seemed kind of bored, but then, during the party, she randomly perked up and was smiling and having a great time. I think it's my cologne…"

"So, is tonight going to be the night?"

"Yeah, I think so. I'll bet she's feisty in bed."

"Is it for sure then?" his friend asked eagerly. James waited with bated breath, his closed fists shaking with the effort he was exerting to not beat the vulgar boys into a bloody pulp.

"I would say so. It's going to be great. Okay, I need a game plan. I'm just going to go in there and I'll kiss her at some point during the party, then I'll somehow get her to come up to my room… And if she says no, I'll just give her a little liquid encouragement," he said, pulling a small flask out of his pocket. "Alright. I just had to clear my mind. I'm ready to go back in," Liam said, taking a deep breath. His friend yelled "Score!" and followed him back into the party.

James was completely still, even after they had left, except for his hands, which were still shaking; he didn't know if he'd ever been so angry in his entire life. He tried to calm himself, knowing that he would scare Lily if she saw him shaking and furious.

He had to act quickly, so he sprinted back into the office and was relieved to find that Lily was alone, getting some punch. Liam was temporarily being held captive by Slughorn, who was introducing him to a group of important looking wizards. Trying to block out Audrey's advice to not interfere, which kept ringing loudly in his ears, he walked directly up to Lily.

"I need to speak with you. Now," James said quietly and urgently.

Lily angrily ignored his words and tried to brush him off, looking around for Liam, but James grabbed her arm.

"It's important," he said through gritted teeth. Lily looked at his hand on her arm and glared back up at him, but allowed him to pull her out of the classroom to the place where he had overheard Liam's conversation just moments before. He stopped, turning to look at her.

"I – I think you should be careful tonight…" he started, not knowing what to say.

Lily, who had already been perturbed, bristled visibly. "You know, you're really, really pathetic!" she yelled angrily. "Why can't you just accept the fact that I like Liam more than I will _ever_ like you?"

James clenched his jaw, looking hurt and angry, but remembering why he brought her into the hall, he tried again.

"I wouldn't _bother_ you if it wasn't important-"

Lily let out a shrill laugh of incredulity.

"Oh, you wouldn't, would you? You bother me every second of every day, like a stupid, obnoxious bug that just won't die no matter how hard you try to kill it. Absolutely pathetic!"

As she laughed shrilly again, James closed his eyes in frustration and told himself that his anger with Liam was much stronger than his anger with Lily.

He was about to speak again, but she beat him to the chase.

"You know what's really funny about all of this? _You_ are warning me against _him._ Shouldn't it be the other way around? You're just a petulant little child compared to him," she added, still laughing.

"Just shut up and listen to me for a second, goddammit!! He's just trying to sleep with you!" he yelled, his anger suddenly breaking though. His words resonated in the hallway, which was silent except for the pulsing music coming from the party.

Surprised by the harsh tone of his voice, her condescending laughter had stopped immediately. James was breathing very heavily and began his nervous pacing again. They were both silent for a moment.

"Shit, Lily," he said, in a quiet, frustrated voice, putting his hands on his forehead while he paced.

She recovered, regaining her composure. "And why the hell should I believe you? You're the last person I would believe about something like that. You're just jealous."

"You should believe it because it's the truth," he said, looking at the wall. "I'm telling the truth," he repeated quietly. "I heard him talking to his friend about it. If you didn't agree to sleep with him, then he was going to spike your drink to make you a little more willing…"

"I-… I don't believe you," she said uncertainly.

"I may be a prat sometimes, but believe me when I say that I would not lie about something like this. Really, I should report him. I am Head Boy, after all…"

"How do I know you're not lying to me?"

To her surprise, he looked angry. "Look, I told you what I needed to tell you. Take it and do whatever the hell you want with it, but I'm not going to stand here and be insulted repeatedly when I'm just trying to do the right thing," he said, glaring at her. Lily felt very uncomfortable with the role reversal, and she shifted uncomfortable under his angry gaze.

"It's just- hard to believe, that's all. Are you quite sure about him, though? And for God's sake, look me in the eyes when you say it," she told him as he began to stare at the wall again. He walked closer to her and looked directly into her eyes.

"I swear on _Hogwarts: A History_ that I am telling you the truth."

She smiled a little at the mention of her favorite book, but he was still very serious. Remembering the situation, she deliberated for a moment.

"Ok. I believe you," she said with much more certainty.

James nodded stiffly. Immediately, she felt a wave of regret crash over her because of the things that she had said to him, but she had no clue how to go about apologizing to him. She'd never really apologized to James Potter before, and, before tonight, she thought she never would.

She tried to look into his eyes, but he remained stubbornly staring at the wall.

"I'm really sorry I said all those awful things about you. I was just angry, like usual," she said joked, but he still would not look at her.

"James," she said softly. Immediately, his head snapped up and he looked unbelievingly at her. "I really am very, _very_ sorry. I know I'm a complete bitch to you. And thank you." Lily was surprised that it was so easy and natural to call him by his first name.

Apparently, she had said the magic words, because he immediately smiled. She laughed a bit at how easily he had forgiven her.

"So are you going to ditch him?" James asked hopefully.

"Hmm. That would be a 'hell yes.'"

"He didn't already- er- make a move on you, did he?"

She looked suspicious. "No…"

"Good. But listen, he made me think of something while he was plotting out loud like an idiot…"

"What?"

"You… you've never been kissed, have you?"

She blushed furiously. "I don't see how that is any of your business –"

"So that's a 'no'…" he said softly.

He walked towards her slowly with his hands raised in surrender, and she stiffened instinctively at his advance.

James spoke calmly. "Now, I don't want you to be angry with me… Eventually, you are going to understand why I did it, and you'll be very, very happy that I did…Better me than him, or any other stupid bloke for that matter," he said mysteriously, coming closer to her with every step. She seemed to be frozen in place.

"It's the way it's supposed to be…" he continued, now very close to her. She could feel his breath on her cheek as he leaned closer to her, and she suddenly forgot anything she had been about to say. The jumbled, half-formed thoughts in her mind, combined with James' _very_ close proximity, were making her incredibly dizzy.

She vaguely tried to force herself to move or form a coherent though. But all she could do was stand there as James brought his hand up to her cheek, and all she could think was how good his warm skin felt against hers. James let his hand run tenderly down the skin of her neck and snaked it around to the back so that he could gently pull her face towards his.

She knew what was coming, and the worst part was that she knew she wasn't even going to try and stop him. Her heart was beating so hard that it felt unnatural and heavy in her chest, and her breathing was very shallow.

He gently pressed his lips to hers.

* * *

A/N: Sorry it got serious… I just don't like to make it too ridiculous ALL the time.

I've never been one for cliffhangers (is this even really a cliffhanger? I don't know if it's quite dramatic enough to warrant the name), but I'm sick of writing. Review's make me do a little happy dance!


	5. A deep, dreamless, mint induced sleep

A/N: Thanks for all of the really nice reviews… I felt almost near tears when I read some of them!

* * *

Lily felt like she was about to collapse. Here she was kissing James Potter and enjoying it very, _very _much. His lips moved gently and patiently against hers, and almost immediately, she responded, moving her lips in an unfamiliar way with his. Whoever said that first kisses were awkward must have been smoking Doxy eggs.

James pulled away first, keeping the kiss sweet and chaste for Lily's sake. His eyes remained closed and he had a very goofy smile on his face, his hand still lingering on her neck.

Lily's eyes, however, shot open immediately. Although she was still and silent, her mind was very slowly starting to click back into gear, and realizing what she had just done, her face flushed brightly. She was staring at James with a look of complete and utter shock.

James, dreading Lily's reaction, opened one eye cautiously to see if she was about to blow up. When he saw her confused stare, he fully opened his eyes and removed his hand from her neck, deciding to break the silence.

"I know you're probably really angry, but I wanted to do that before any other little wankers tried it."

"I…" Lily didn't really know what to say because she didn't really know how she felt about what had just happened.

"Lily, are you alright? Usually, you would have cursed my junk off or something by now."

"Uh, yes. I'm okay. I just…"

James looked at her skeptically to see if this was all some kind of hoax. "Lily, seriously. Are you feeling well?" James asked, now starting to sound very worried. He reached out his hand in case he needed to steady her, as she looked like she was about to fall over, but this action seemed to force her to snap out of whatever hormone-induced trance she had fallen into.

"What the bloody hell, Potter?!"

"I told you you'd be angry. And yet, you didn't run away when I was making it very clear what I was about to do." Instantly relieved by her return to her normal state, he looked very pleased with himself.

She looked very flustered, the color in her face rising again. "I was… caught off guard."

"Right. I gave you about fifty opportunities to run screaming, but you didn't," James told her, smiling a bit.

He thought for a moment before speaking again. "So we're definitely not_, _you know,_ together_-?"

"_NO!" _Lily half-screamed, half squealed_._

He was still smiling. "I thought you'd be a lot angrier than this. I was prepared for crucifixion and/or castration."

"Don't give me any ideas," she grumbled. "As long as you promise never to do that to me again, I will let it go, but only because you were kind of the good guy tonight."

"No can do. What kind of marriage would we have if I wasn't allowed to kiss you?"

"A nonexistent one."

"Oh, Lily darling, don't be like that."

"I'll be however I damn well want to be. Plus, you should just be glad that I'm not insanely angry with you, James Potter. I have absolutely no clue why I'm being so bloody reasonable about this…" she said more to herself than to James, looking very confused.

"Because you liked it," he said happily, but seeing her withering look, he added, "Or maybe because Slughorn slipped a little cheering potion into the punch like he usually does so that people won't leave his lame parties."

"Bull."

"No, he actually does it sometimes. Like last year at the Christmas party, when he was giving that speech and wouldn't shut up about his damn cats... But I don't think he did it this time. I actually don't know why you aren't furious with me, but I'm okay with it," James said, smiling. "Can I just tell you why I kissed you?"

"No."

"Great. Well the thing is, I just didn't want your first kiss to be stolen by someone who doesn't care about you, someone like Liam for instance. Even if we don't end up together, you can know that your first kiss was special because it was with someone who really, genuinely… cares for you." James had forced himself to substitute "care" for "love" in an effort to not scare the shit out of her. "But I don't think you'll regret it."

"Yes, we'll see about that."

"Are you mad at me?" he asked her, pouting his lip a little bit.

"I don't know. Can you ask me tomorrow?"

"Will do."

"Oh and...No more kissing. Ever."

"Right, right," James said vaguely.

She began to walk back to the common room, but when he started walking alongside her, she stopped in her tracks.

"Erm, I think I'm good."

"Great… I'm – glad you're good."

"No, er – I meant I'm okay to walk back by myself. Go enjoy the party."

"But I'd rather-"

"NO, no… no. I insist," she told him as she began pushing him back towards Slughorn's office.

"But I-"

"Yes, yes. You want to walk me back safely. How very chivalrous. But I'm okay. Now go!" she said with a final push. He tried to turn around to speak with her again, but she was already halfway down the hallway.

Lily ran as if her life depended on it, and when she finally reached her dormitory, she launched herself onto the bed, screaming into her pillow.

For the next hour or so, she fell in and out of fits of random hyperventilation. Each time this happened, she forced herself to stop when she started feeling dizzy. When Audrey finally came back from the party, Lily pulled her covers up over her head and tried to act like she was sleeping.

"Lily?" Audrey said softly as she put her hand on the lumpy covered object that was Lily.

"You're touching my butt," Lily said in a monotonous and muffled voice.

"Why the hell are you upside down and contorted like that?"

"It makes me feel better."

Audrey reached down and pulled the covers off of Lily.

"Lily…" Audrey said, now very suspicious of her behavior.

Lily sat up. "What?"

"What happened?"

Suddenly, all of the suppressed emotions of the night came pouring out of Lily when she saw her friend's motherly and concerned look. She started sobbing and threw herself onto Audrey.

"I don't know what happened! I was just at the party and then James told me that Liam was a manwhore and I yelled at him but he was telling the truth so I felt bad and then we were kind of friends for a second and then he said he had to try something so he came towards me and I couldn't run – I swear I would have – but then he _KISSED_ me and I don't know why but I kissed him back and then I was so confused that I couldn't even yell at him properly and I don't even think I'm angry, but I should definitely be angry – I mean I'm always angry with him for the most inconsequential things and then he goes and kisses me and I'm just like some goddamn little first year who is just so effing smitten with the Quidditch captain and –" She finally paused for a moment to breathe as a look of horror passed over her face.

"– Audrey, you don't think I'm – that I … _fancy_ Potter, do you?" She buried her face in Audrey's shoulder. Audrey was trying not to show that she was a little repulsed and quite amused, so she just patted Lily's head.

"I dunno, Lily."

Lily snapped her head up a mere second later, tears still running freely down her face, and yelled, "I don't even know why I'm crying! I didn't even do anything wrong, did I? I'm just so confused…" She immediately dissolved once more into hysterical sobs.

" Lily. It's going to be okay. I promise…"

"I need _drugs_!" Lily managed to say through her sobs.

"What?! What do you need drugs for?"

By now, Lily was hiccupping in a ridiculous kind of way and looking downright insane. "I just want"-_hic- _" to sleep"_-hic-"_ without goddamn Potter"-_hic-_ "bothering me in my nightmares…" –_hic-_ "_DRUGS, Audrey. Now_!" she screamed.

"Oh, dear – uh okay, wait here, Lily. I'm going to get help." Audrey left Lily sobbing on her bed and ran down the stairs at breakneck speed.

"Sirius, Sirius!" she yelled as she saw the dashing Marauder enter the portrait hole.

"Yes, my darling Audrey?"

"I need drugs. Now. Immediately," Audrey said desperately. Sirius raised an eyebrow.

"I never took you for the type –"

"Not for me! For Lily. She is freaking out and I might need to sedate her. Could I use like a low-grade beaver or horse tranquilizer, or would that be very bad? I need something!" she said, flailing her arms hysterically.

Sirius grabbed her arms and gently pushed them down to her side. "Breathe, Audrey. Okay here, let me see what I have." He rummaged around in his pockets for a second and pulled out a little tin. Now it was Audrey's turn to raise an eyebrow.

Seeing her look, he shook the tin, opened it, and offered her one of the small round objects. "They're mints. Just tell her there's some kind of – I dunno – calming potion or sleep potion in there. It'll work."

She looked skeptical, but grabbed the tin and ran back towards the stairs, yelling a quick "Thanks!" over her shoulder. She hurled herself through the door and saw that Lily was now sitting on the bed, hyperventilating again.

"Here," Audrey said, shoving a few mints into Lily's hand. "I got them from Sirius. They've got a dreamless sleep potion in them. Just, er, swallow them quick without tasting them, you know, because they taste like wet socks."

Audrey conjured a glass and filled it with a jet of water from her wand before handing it to her friend. Lily grabbed the glass, tossed the "pills" in her mouth, and immediately collapsed snoring onto her bed, spilling the water all over herself.

Audrey let out a deep breath and walked back down to the common room, where a happy looking Sirius was waiting for her.

"So, what's the story?" Sirius asked her.

"Why don't you ask James?" she snapped. "He was a rather large contributing factor to her nervous breakdown."

"I haven't seen him."

"Really? I don't think Lily has seen him for well over an hour," Audrey said as she glanced down at her watch.

"Hm… He usually comes running straight to me when he has had some kind of Lily-related encounter. What did he do?"

"The bloody wanker kissed her."

"No, he did not," Sirius said in genuine shock. "No, he _did not_!"

"Yes, he did."

"Well, then he is most likely at serious risk of hurting himself right about now. He's probably thinking some stupid bullshit like 'anything's possible now, so I think I'll just try to walk on water or fly without a broom, or maybe I'll ask Professor McGonagall for a quick shag.' Anyway you look at it, the poor guy is probably in extreme danger," Sirius said as he set off towards his dormitory at a quick walk.

"Wha-"

"Wait here," Sirius yelled to her from the bottom of the stairs. Within thirty seconds, he was back with a piece of parchment.

"Are you coming?" he asked her.

She looked back towards her dormitory. "Lily might need-"

"She'll be out of it for a while, I'm guessing," Sirius said as he moved toward the portrait hole. "Coming?"

"Yeah, I guess," she said reluctantly.

As soon as they were out in the hallway, Sirius tapped the piece of parchment with his wand and said, "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good." Audrey gaped as a perfect map of Hogwarts appeared on the paper.

"What is that?"

"No time to explain. James is up in the Astronomy Tower, and that can't be good," Sirius told her. He started walking quickly, Audrey following closely behind him. As they neared tower, they both heard someone singing rather badly from inside.

"-_I believe I can fly…I believe I can touch the sky…_"

Sirius rolled his eyes slightly and took the remaining stairs two at a time. There was James, of course, dancing crazily on a window ledge and singing like a banshee.

"-_I think about it every night and day… Spread my wings and fly away_," he sang at the top of his lungs.

"Prongs, buddy," Sirius said as he held out his arms to him. "Come on down there and let's talk about what happened with Lily."

James' expression brightened at her name, and he spun around in circles, hugging himself tightly. "Isn't she just amazing? She makes me feel like I could fly… Do you think I can fly?" James questioned, inching towards the open window.

"No. Definitely not. Hey, let's go back and talk to her, eh? Doesn't that sound exciting?"

James looked torn between broom-less flight and his one true love, glancing back and forth between Sirius' outstretched hands and the window.

"Fine," he finally said, hopping down from his ledge. "Let's go see Lily. Does she want to see me? Do I look ok? I think I'm going to vomit. I can't think about this anymore! It's making me crazy!!"

Sirius and Audrey exchanged significant looks, and then Audrey pulled the tin out of her pocket. She opened it and selected a few mints, holding her hand out to James.

"Here – These will put you into a dreamless sleep and you won't have to worry any more…" she said sweetly. James considered the offer for a second before grabbing the candies and downing them without water. He too immediately fell to the floor, snoring.

"Those are some rather effective mints," Audrey said, sounding impressed.

"Yes, well. It's all a mind game. Everything is." He took out his wand and pointed it at James' unconscious form, which began to float. Audrey tried not to look too shocked that he had just said something rather deep. "Shall we go?" he asked her in a pleasant voice.

"Oh, yes, please. It's been a strange night. I wonder what it is about each other's presence that makes our friends go mental…"

"Hormones, maybe? They're powerful things. For instance, now, I can feel the air actually buzzing with our sexual tension. True story."

"Whatever you say."

"Oh come on. Listen. You can even hear it," he whispered as he put a hand to his ear, as if he was straining to hear something. Humoring him, Audrey listened for a moment, and to her surprise, she heard a faint buzzing noise.

Her eyes widened, and she looked at him. After about a second, however, she realized that the buzzing noise wasn't from the "tension."

"Stop making that goddamn buzzing noise out of the corner of your mouth, you prick," she said as she began walking again.

"Well, okay, but you can still feel it, right?"

"Not remotely."

"Okay, how about now?" He let James fall to the floor and turned around, pinning Audrey against the wall.

She sighed. "Only men who feel insecure or powerless would feel the need to pin a woman against the wall in what they think is a 'threatening' or 'passionate' gesture. And if you don't step away from me within the next five seconds, I am going to seriously hurt you," Audrey said, not even the slightest bit fazed by his close proximity.

"When will you realize that you're in love with me?"

"Maybe when you stop insisting that I'm in love with you, so probably never," she said coolly, shoving his hands away from her. To her surprise, instead of letting her go, he pushed her more roughly against the wall.

"What do you think you're doing?" she asked him, her voice harsher now.

"You know, our relationship has always been kind of… passive. I mean, we talk and I flirt, but we never really argue or get angry or do anything about this."

"About what?" she asked angrily, glaring intensely at him.

Instead of answering, he leaned down, pulled her face roughly to his, and tried to kiss her. Unlike Lily had been, however, Audrey was not frozen in place, so as soon as she saw what he was planning to do, she kneed him where it hurts, pushed him onto the ground, and kicked him in the face.

"Don't you ever do that again, you stupid prick!" she yelled with a furious look on her face. "Dear God, what is it with you and James tonight? You just can't keep your bloody lips to yourselves!"

"Ahh! God, woman!" Sirius yelled, clutching his bleeding face. "What the hell was that for? Ouch! Owwww!"

"Oh, shut up, you big baby," she said as she kneeled down and healed his broken nose with a tap of her wand. "I'm sorry that I got a little carried away," she murmured. "Even if you _did _deserve it."

"Why don't you like me, Audrey?" Sirius asked her, sounding rather like a four-year-old.

"I do like you, just not in the way you seem to like me," she said, wiping some of the blood off of his face with her sleeve. "I know how you are with girls, and I don't want to be the next flavor of the week. I do like you as a person, though."

"How am I with girls, exactly?" he asked, bristling a bit.

"Oh come on, Sirius. Don't pretend you don't get around. I saw you snogging it up with a Hufflepuff girl you didn't even know one night and then a Ravenclaw the next."

"So? I didn't shag them or anything. Just a quick snog to relieve the stress, since you were conveniently unavaibable. You should try it some time."

"Yes, well I believe that's what you just tried to make me do, and you know what? I am not relaxed!"

"The point is, I like you. And you know what? You're being just as irrational about this as Lily is about James."

"Sirius, I am not going to talk about this right now. I'm going back to check on Lily."

"Audrey…"

"No, Sirius," she said as she began to walk away. "Take care of James."

When she was out of sight, Sirius walked over to his best friend and kicked him in stomach. "I blame you," he said as he began to levitate James once more.

* * *

Surprisingly, James, Lily, Audrey, and Sirius acted as if nothing had happened the next day. Lily seemed to have recovered marvelously from her nervous breakdown, though James did have a bruise on the side of his head from Sirius dropping him.

"You know," James said at breakfast the next morning. "I think it was a growing experience for all of us. I feel like a better person now, a bigger person, you know?"

Lily rolled her eyes, while Audrey kept reading the newspaper.

Sirius, however, nodded his head vigorously. "I agree completely. And I learned a very valuable lesson."

"What's that, Padfoot?"

"Never let Audrey see me snogging multiple girls in a 24-hour time period. I have to find better hiding spots."

"Or you could just stop acting like a whore and try to lead a normal life like the rest of us," Audrey said from across the table.

"You know what? For you, I would. In fact, I'll do it. I will stop snogging random girls." All of a sudden, he jumped on top of the table, stuck his fist in the air, and raised his voice tremendously so that the entire hall could hear him. "From now on, I shall have no more meaningless snogs, and the next girl that I _do_ snog will be Audrey McGregor!"

A hearty cheer went up from all the boys in the hall, while several of the girls looked as if they were about to cry. Audrey yanked violently on Sirius' leg, and he tumbled down from the table.

"Ouch, woman! Why must you always hurt me?" he said from his position on the floor.

"I'm going to get you a muzzle, you stupid dog," she said angrily, crossing her arms in front of her. Sirius exchanged an amused look with James at the words "muzzle" and "dog," and then he let out a small giggle.

"Is this funny to you?" Audrey asked, now sounding irritated. The two then started bickering loudly, both making wild hand gestures.

James smiled at the pair and then turned his attention to Lily, who had been quiet throughout breakfast.

"So, have you decided if you're angry with me or not? It would be a good thing to know…" he said to her quietly so that the others could not hear him.

She hesitated for a moment, taking more time than necessary to chew her toast. "No, I suppose I'm not. But I will be _extremely_ angry if you try something like that again." James smiled broadly. "And thanks again for the whole Liam thing," she said with an anxious glance at the Ravenclaw table, where Liam was glaring at both her and James.

"No problem, Maybe we can just call a truce. No more arguing," he told her. He extended his hand across the table. "Friends?"

She looked skeptically at his hand for a moment. _Well he did do a nice thing for me last night, but he's stinking James Potter! Then again, he has been much better than usual lately. Of course, "lately" has only been about a week,_ she thought to herself.

After seeing his pathetically hopeful expression, however, she finally and reluctantly reached across the table to shake hands. James held onto her hand a little longer than necessary, so she coughed awkwardly and pulled her hand away. She looked over at Sirius and Audrey, who were still bickering.

"Don't they remind you a bit of us, they way they're fighting right now?" Lily asked James, tilting her head to the side and squinting her eyes.

"Yes indeed. Oh how the times have changed… my friend," he said as he smiled sweetly at her.

"Right."

"So, do you want to leave the presence of these two lovebirds, my friend?"

"Er, okay."

They both got up to leave, and neither Sirius nor Audrey noticed their exit.

James was silent for a moment before he spoke again. "You know, I really like this 'friend' thing, my friend."

"Yes, yes. We all know I'm your bloody friend. There's no need to say it in every sentence," Lily said in an exasperated tone.

"I just don't want you to forget and back out on me."

"Right," Lily said again.

James sighed dreamily and threw an arm around her shoulder.

"This is the start of something beautiful."

* * *

A/N: Reviews are welcome and cherished!


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